Why I Stopped Forgiving Others

February 9, 2025
3:43 PM

In what ways have you been wronged in your life? Do you carry expectations of people in your life that you need to let go of? I used to believe forgiveness was a skill I had to learn. There were a lot of things in the world that didn't meet my expectations. People didn't act the way I believed they were supposed to. Where was the kindness and respect for others that I was taught to value? Weren't we supposed to help one another, not use each other? Where was the trust? Weren't we all human? I felt discouraged, but I wasn't going to let a handful of people stop me from becoming the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be kind and respectful, even so. However, first, I had to learn to forgive.

As I grew, I slowly realized forgiveness wasn't something I had to learn, but practice. It was a choice I had to make for each individual event I felt wronged or hurt by. The same mistake I forgave someone for one day wasn't always so easily forgiven the next day. It wasn't a skill to develop, but a decision to accept what happened and move on; to create what I wanted despite the outcomes of events that unfolded, why they unfolded, or how they unfolded. At this stage of my life, I focused on placing less importance on the stories of the events and more importance on the outcomes I sought to create.

However, as I continued on my journey of self-improvement, I discovered there was no need for forgiveness. Forgiveness was letting go of the illusion that reality should be different from what it was, and I stopped deluding myself that the world should be different. I accepted the world as it was from a place of curiosity rather than judgment. The world didn't have to change. Everyone was free to live their lives as I was free to live mine. I wasn't always going to understand everyone's decisions, and I didn't have to. Forgiveness changed from a decision I had to make to a shift in my attitude. It wasn't that there wasn't injustice to be fought in the world, but that injustice was a part of life, and so was learning to overcome it. It was all a part of the journey.

5:32 PM