How do you practice self-control?

May 23, 2025
1:32 PM

When I was 26, I maxed out my credit card to attend a month-long leadership training halfway around the world. I didn't have enough money to guarantee I'd have food to eat or a place to sleep for the month. I didn't even have enough money to pay for the training, but I made a commitment to attend no matter what and agreed to go on a payment plan I couldn't afford.

It wasn't a smart decision. Looking back, I can't even say it was the right decision. It was just a decision that I made at a point in my life when I felt stuck, I didn't know how to progress, and I didn't see any other path forward. All I knew was that I wasn't okay with where my life was heading, and something had to change. From what I could see, I had no other options.

At the training, I was fortunate enough to meet others who offered me a place to sleep for a few nights and even some food to eat. It's not the person I was hoping to become by attending the training, but I needed their support, and I was grateful to accept it. While I didn't have much to give in return, I did my best to help around the house.

However, over the month, I also had nights where I didn't have a place to sleep. I roamed the empty streets, cold, hungry, and alone with my thoughts. I dragged my luggage on the sidewalk, looking inside mattress stores, wondering where my life went wrong, and fighting the urge to fall asleep.

On one of those nights, I met someone from the training. He invited me to eat with him at a nearby restaurant. With my nearly maxed-out credit card and still another week of training before I could go home, I went against my better judgment and decided to join him. If I were to starve, it would only be for another week.

I ended up speaking to him for a couple of hours. I found out he attended Yale University for 4 years. He was a TEDx speaker. He travelled the world finding work wherever he could as a coach, teaching the value of vulnerable leadership. While he sounded accomplished, he explained he was going through a rough patch, and for that night, he also didn't have a place to sleep.

However, unlike me, he was quite comfortable with the whole situation. While I learned a lot in that month of training, one of the most valuable lessons came from him at that dinner table. When I asked him why he looked so calm and relaxed, he replied that he saw the situation as training for the future.

He said to become the person he wanted to be, he had to learn to endure a lot more than a night or two on the streets. I was familiar with developing a growth mentality. It was why I chose to attend the training in the first place. However, to hear him say those words during one of the lowest moments of my life, when he was in the same position I was in, changed my perspective.

At that moment, I understood. It was easy to manage myself when everything was going my way. However, the real test of my self-mastery was how I managed myself when nothing went my way. Self-mastery wasn't something I did or didn't have, but a decision I had to make in my darkest moments, to find something within me to carry on when I felt I had nothing left. It had nothing to do with what I've learned or achieved, but with who I chose to be in that moment.

Think about it in your own life. How would you respond to people who repeatedly and wrongfully blame you for the outcomes that they're responsible for creating? How courageous could you be when your next decision risks losing everything you've worked to build in your life? How grateful could you be after everything you cherish is destroyed or taken away by the hands of people you once trusted?

There are levels to the attitude you carry. It's easy to be overwhelmed by your emotions when you're attached to a singular outcome of a singular event. However, what if you were forced to live the event over and over again until you found the right attitude to help you create what you truly wanted in your life? How would you change your attitude? While it may seem ridiculous, life often has a way of teaching us the same lessons until we demonstrate that we're ready to move on.

So, the next time you notice yourself starting to lose control, demand of yourself the presence of mind to stop, take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. Take a moment to ask yourself: What is your experience preparing you for? What role is your experience meant to play, not just in this chapter, but in the complete story of your life? And what can you do to make the most of your opportunity today?

4:00 PM
Chris X